Truth?

How do we know when people are telling the truth? How do you know that, when someone is staring you straight in the eye, they’re lying? And why, for that matter, do we lie to others? To ourselves? Is lying just a defense mechanism for those who don’t know how to handle certain situations, or is it just a natural reflex when we’re trying to get what we want from someone else? Honestly, I don’t know why telling the truth is so hard to do, I know that I don’t do it all the time, but I know that I should. Why do we have to manipulate others with lies until we get what we want, until the other person caves? One of my closest friends is in a constant battle with her ex boyfriend, who’s convinced that their entire relationship, their love for each other, was a lie on her part. He’s being hurtful, and lying about things that she’s explained aren’t true, and yet he still does it. He does it to, hopefully, get what he wants from her, their relationship back. But I can’t figure out why somebody would do that to someone they love. Why would you falsify things that aren’t true just to get what you want? Where is the logic behind that?

On the other hand, but an equally hurtful situation, why do people tell you something they think you want to hear, when it’s a lie? Is it just purely for the sake of getting what they want? Or is there truth behind the lies? I wish that I was able to go back, go back to the beginning of college an take back everything that I’ve done. Sure, in the situations it was great, for a few minutes I was in a totally alternate reality, one where somebody actually thought I was worth it. But what’s the point of being happy, if once the alcohol wears off, everything that you’ve heard, everything that’s made you happy, is a lie to begin with? The minute you realize that none of it matters, none of it was the truth, the minute you realize that you don’t really matter to the one who’s said it.

I mean, to know that somebody took the time to tell you something that changed the way you looked at yourself, and then figure out that it was all a lie, and that they probably don’t even remember saying it... it makes you feel worthless. I feel worthless. I’ve only been telling people little parts of how much I’m hurting, but the truth is, I’m hurting a hell of a lot more. I feel like if I was to disappear today, the only people that would notice are the ones that are in our “family”, I feel like nobody else would care. I feel like I want to be gone, and that scares me. I’ve wanted to feel pain before, to feel anything but the sadness and hurt inside me, but for the first time, ever, I don’t want to be here anymore. This pain is eating me up inside, and I’m afraid that it’s all going to come out, and that’s something I can’t let happen.

Is it really that big of a request? For people to say what they really feel? To say the truth instead of a stream of lies? What is so wrong with wanting someone to actually care, to actually mean what they say? What is so wrong with wanting that? Because that's all I really want, and I can't have it. Is it me? Is that the problem? Is it something I can fix? Because right now, I feel broken, I feel unwanted, I feel like my life is a lie. All I want is somebody to tell me the truth, tell me something real, something meaningful, about what they're feeling for me. I don't want it to be forgotten, or accidentally said, I want it to be true.

Everybody lies, and I’m not going to sit around and pretend that it doesn’t happen because I know for a fact that it does. I’m just wondering if anyone ever takes the time to sit and think about how far their lies go, how much they hurt the ones that they tell them to.